Cute Pillow

Bought this pillow just because its cuuteee heheh.

Jatinenjer a.k.a Jatinangor

Jatinangor again after 6 months (April). Haha I know, I can't get enough of Jatinangor xD also meet up with my lovely friend, Gege~ I have a lot of fun during my stay in Jatinangor. Hang out with friend, watching movies, went to Jatos, went to my campus, my kost and ate yummy foods ;9

Happy Graduation!

Went to Dipatiukur last month to attend my friend's graduation. Congrats Vani for your Master Degree! May success always follow you :)

What a Life ;)

Hello Halo Hey!~

I miss my blog so much :( its been 8 months since my last post here.

2019 been quite a journey for me, a lot of things happened in the past few months. It's been really difficult for me getting through 2019 so far (Without meaning to be ungrateful to Allah of course). My health condition is getting worst since early 2019 and I just know about the reason last May when I got hospitalized because my body cannot bear any longer ^^; I got two diseases and that's why I feel really sick.

If you look at my photos for the past one year, maybe you will notice that I'm getting skinnier and my face always looks tired and sometimes looks scary. I didn't diet or anything but I always losing my weight everyday for about 1,5 year. I loose 31 kg of my weight that's why I looks skinny. I lose my appetite, got tired very easily even when I'm doing nothing. My face is less and less chubby and it makes me looks very unhealthy and even scary because I looks like a living skeleton. At first I didn't think about it so much and pretending it was ok, I feel perfectly healthy. If someone ask me why I looks so skinny or am I on diet or something, I always said I'm not. I don't know the reason why I lose my weight and they sometimes didn't believe me. "No way, don't lie to me, you must be on diet Fouzna" they said. But I told them the truth, I have no idea what happened to my body.

Some of my relatives and my friend told me to take a lab test to check my blood sugar level because maybe I have diabetes. My dad have a diabetes history so there is a possibility that I might have it too. To be honest, me and my mom are thinking about this possibility too since I keep losing my weight without any reason, so yes, on January I took a lab test to know about my blood sugar level. The result is negative (Alhamdulillah) I feel relieved, but it only last for a while because the symptoms is still there.

And it get worse this year, all of those symptoms I felt since 2018 finally makes my body 'collapsed'.

The first week of ramadhan, after fasting for just one day I got a high fever. I went to a doctor in my hometown because I happened to spend the first week of ramadhan in my hometown. This is the worst fever I ever had, I can't even standing by myself and suddenly collapsed in front of my bedroom door. My parents and my sister got panicked when I fell in front of my bedroom door, my dad grab my arms and my body to help me to stand, but my body is so weak I can't even standing with my own feet. It scared me, really. Because it never happened to me before. I just want to get some water because I'm thirsty, and I taught I can walk to the dining room by myself. But just after I closed the door, I suddenly fell into the ground. Even when I got fever or felt so sick I still can walk by myself but this time is different, I really didn't have a power / stamina to walk or standing. Then I went to the doctor, the doctor said I have a laryngitis. I believe the doctor because I realized that weeks before ramadhan I'm drinking too much cold drinks when weather outside is so hot and sunny (please don't do this guys. however hot the weather is, please don't consume too much cold drinks / ice ^^;). I took medicines from the doctor for a week then I got better. I decided to go back to Bandung because I have to work but only after several days after I finished all the medicine, I'm having fever again. And at this point I started to worry and wondering what happened to my body. Why I keep having fever and I got no stamina at all. Finally as my friend suggests, I went to the hospital in Bandung to meet a specialist to know what is going on.

Long story short, I got hospitalized for 8 days and having a very detailed examination throughout my body (blood test, x-ray, USG, etc). And the result is I got a disease called MAC or Mycobacterium Avium Complex. If you wondering what disease is that, its like a lung disease cause by a bacteria. My lung is clean and I didn't have bad cough but I do have a bacteria (or virus?) in my body and I also have two small 'bump' in my throat because of this disease. This disease, MAC, is the cause of my problem. Fever, loss my appetite, low stamina, all of that is because of MAC. I need to take a lot of medicines for 6 months and also routine medical check up.

Four months after that (September), I feel slightly better but the symptoms is still there. I keep having a low stamina, still didn't have a appetite sometimes and my blood pressures is so high everytime I did a routine medical check up every month. My heart beat is also high / beating too fast than it should be. Even I have tremor too, my hands sometimes shaking and I can't even open a bottle cap by myself. My doctor and I keep wondering what happened this time. Why I still didn't get any better. I do whatever my doctor told me to do, I took a medicine to lower the blood pressure, keep a healthy diet and eating less salt in everything I ate but my blood pressure is still high. Then my doctor told me to go for a new test.

I took a blood test and examination in nuclear department at the hospital. Also, this is my first time doing this kind of test or examination. Long before I got diagnosed with MAC, My friend who got hyperthyroidism told me that I might have same disease like her. She is certainly knows the symptoms and she told me that the symptoms is similar with I felt. Before the result came, I already got a feeling that I might have a hyperthyroidism too. My mom also have the same feeling. One day before I got the result, I know the result will be positive of hyperthyroidism and then I got silent. I'm sitting in waiting room inside the nuclear department with my mom and my sister. And then I just can't hold it anymore... My eyes got watery and finally I cry. Just four months ago I diagnosed with MAC, an illness I never heard it before, never thought I will get that unfamiliar disease. It took me a while to finally accept it and to adapt to a new lifestyle because of that. One disease has not healed yet, now I have to accept the fact that I have another diseases. My mom keep encouraging me and told me that is ok to cry, everything is gonna be ok Insha Allah. This is just another test from Allah so I can be a better person again. Be more patient and stronger. But you know what, the next day I feel ok. After crying I felt more calm and honestly I can accept all of it. So when I go the lab again to take the result I'm no longer feeling sad. I just accept the fact that I got two diseases and I have to take more medicines (well, the more the merrier right? Lol).

So yes, that is the story of my ilness hahah. I can laugh about it now xD The symptoms of hyperthyroidism is slightly similar with MAC except the tremor, mood swing (believe me, this is the worst, I just know that all of this time I always have extreme mood swing is because hyperthyroidism) and enlarged thyroid gland. Also hyperthyroidism is kinda hard to detect in most of the case, that's why my doctor also didn't realized about it at first. I'm glad everything is clear now about my diseases and I can get treated the way I should for my two diseases. I still have to take all of those medicines and meet my lovely doctor once a month. My symptoms have greatly diminished and improved. I feel much much better now Alhamdulillah :) My lifestyle is becoming more healthy now, much more healthy than before I got sick LOL. Less sugar, less salt, less meat (especially red meat), eat more veggies and fruits. And now I didn't push myself too hard for everything. I'm trying to become more relax and when I feel tired or I feel like doing nothing then I just do nothing. In the past sometimes I tend to push myself and doing everything as fast as possible because I didn't like delaying any work and house chores. I let my body rest and decided what I have to do based on my health condition now. Especially it is not good for my heart condition (hyperthyroidism make my heart beat faster than usual so I have to avoid working too hard because of it ^^).

Things keep happening nonstop. After I got two illnesses, the company I work for suddenly gave a 'surprise' to all of its employees. Because of one and two reason the company cannot continue to operate so yes, I now looking for a new job. I'm officially became a job seeker again since last October hehe. Wish me luck guys ;) and you know what? Even after that, something happened to me again xD I suffered a knee injury while I was packing things in my kost ^^; I will not talk about this in detail otherwise this post will be very long to read (it already is Fouzna LOL), Alhamdulillah the injury is not severe. It took a while for me to be able to use my knee normally and doing activities but it's getting better now.

Everything happened for a reason and I know Allah Does Not Burden A Soul Beyond That It Can Bear (Quran 2:286) so I believe all of this happened because He love me and He know that I'm strong enough to get through all this :) Bismillah, yosh!

I hope next year will be better. I can get a new job (a new steady job hehe) and my health condition is continue getting better so I can free of meds soon ;) Aamiin.

Last but not least, for those who happened to get same diseases like me, keep fighting! You can do it! We CAN DO it! Let's hope for the best and keep doing our best!

See you in the next post!